Ghonorrhea, male bathroom habits, and other irrational potty training fears

We have hit a milestone in our house. Potty training time for Jack. I had this idea that this process would take a week at worst and that somehow my kid would be this stellar peeing and pooping genius. That it would be, dare I say, easy. I didn't take into account that I am on bed rest and my training time would be limited and that as a woman there are bathroom habits of males that I just didn't understand. Not to mention this is my first go round with potty training and I had delusions of grandeur.

I started by catching up on the potty training chapter of What To Expect: The Toddler Years and talking with his teacher at school to get tips. I bought a little potty and Jack sat on it and gave it a try. He seemed to like the idea. My kid is a potty using genius! I knew there had to be a next step. A graduation to a real sized toilet and transitioning to the standing stance. After all, what would I do in a public restroom? Whip out my portable mini potty? After a little more research I chose the nudist boot camp approach or as experienced parents may know, strip 'em and get it done on a weekend. Within the first hour he ruined a couple chairs and decided pooping in the backyard grass was the cool new thing to do. Yeah, this Davis bred hippy girl isn't that cool with au natural restroom habits.

I changed my game plan and decided I would take him to the potty in 20 minute intervals. The first time we attempted peeing in the toilet he rested his little fella on the bare, urine coated porceline edge. Ew! This surely would not work in a public situation. My kid was going to contract ghonorrhea for sure if this was his method! Gary walked in the restroom to see how the progress was going only to find me wiping the excess urine off Jack's mini member with toilet paper. I was quickly and firmly instructed that that is not how boys clean off excess urine. I guess the proper technique is to give it a little shake. How would I know? I sit down to pee for heaven's sake.

This new found peeing on the potty brought on another issue. Jack's certainty that pooping on the potty was not for him. He would rather hold it for a few days and quietly sneak into a quiet room for some pooping in the underwear privacy. I felt strongly that I should not allow him to continue this messy trend. I didn't want him to think this was what you do when number two comes calling but I didn't want him whining with belly aches and passing boulders either. Am I ruining my son's colon? Am I somehow instilling more fear of toilets in him? Would I one day see him on some reality TV show with some extreme fear of toilets because of me?

 I'm a person that likes things clean, but not necessarily sterile. After witnessing countless body parts touching the toilet, the germ phob in me was starting to come out. I find myself requesting the toilet be cleaned almost daily and making sure hands are washed extra thorough. I am especially thankful that I am pregnant with a girl now. I have those parts, I can handle the ins and outs of potty training her. I can't wait until Gary finds himself in the spot I was in. Hopefully, feeling a bit lost on what to do with female bathroom habits or maybe years down the line having to buy pads or tampons for her. The playing ground will finally be even in our house. I sure feel grateful for all my parents did for me. Pee and poo covered underwear and all.

Being Grateful

I am a pessimist. My glass is always half empty. I guess if I prepare for the worst then anything else seems a better alternative. There is an exception to this rule though. When the big shit hits the fan. I know. Makes no sense. I generally feel a sense of calm and a feeling that it will pass and I will be OK when all is said and done.

When I found out I had to be on bed rest, I took my usual calm approach to it. I knew that if my extended time in bed meant losing my job or some other catastrophic event, it would be worth it to have a healthy new member of the family. I just didn't realize how catastrophic things would get for us.

Our family seems to do life events big. We can't just, say, buy a house. We will buy a house, find a new job, and have a baby all in one month. It's just how the chips seem to fall with us. This time, within four months I found out I was pregnant, developed a complicated pregnancy, Gary was let go from his job, and we moved. In addition, I am the medical benefit carrier for my family. My job informed me that I was out of paid time off and subsequently would lose my family's medical benefits.  I'm not gonna lie, I had some freak out moments. I'm not that calm. I guess this was an exception to the exception.

After my freak out moments I started to get resourceful and figure out how I could resolve the issues I had some control over. I did something that is one of the hardest things for me to do. I started asking people for help. I asked for help with our move, help with taking care of Jackson, really any help people were willing to give. I was shocked at what started to happen.

People came out of the woodwork. Some of which were people I hadn't spent time with in years. People donating time off to me at work so I could maintain my health benefits, many friends and family that donated their time to packing our house up, moving our belongings and joining me at doctor appointments. Family that tirelessly cleaned the house, changed diapers, prepared meals, ran errands, and even rubbed my feet. How could I be pessimistic? Instead, I feel this overwhelming sense of gratefulness. I am reminded that most people want to give, have huge hearts and that family bonds are strongest.

Perhaps I don't see life's biggest moments as negatively because I know there will always be a lesson when it's over. In my darkest moments I begged God to just show me what the lesson was already. I now know. It's that you have to rely on others sometimes, you have to believe in the goodness of mankind and you must always be grateful. Even when your world seems to be closing in on you. These are the lessons I will teach my  children. Especially the little girl who is helping me to see the glass half full.