Being Grateful

I am a pessimist. My glass is always half empty. I guess if I prepare for the worst then anything else seems a better alternative. There is an exception to this rule though. When the big shit hits the fan. I know. Makes no sense. I generally feel a sense of calm and a feeling that it will pass and I will be OK when all is said and done.

When I found out I had to be on bed rest, I took my usual calm approach to it. I knew that if my extended time in bed meant losing my job or some other catastrophic event, it would be worth it to have a healthy new member of the family. I just didn't realize how catastrophic things would get for us.

Our family seems to do life events big. We can't just, say, buy a house. We will buy a house, find a new job, and have a baby all in one month. It's just how the chips seem to fall with us. This time, within four months I found out I was pregnant, developed a complicated pregnancy, Gary was let go from his job, and we moved. In addition, I am the medical benefit carrier for my family. My job informed me that I was out of paid time off and subsequently would lose my family's medical benefits.  I'm not gonna lie, I had some freak out moments. I'm not that calm. I guess this was an exception to the exception.

After my freak out moments I started to get resourceful and figure out how I could resolve the issues I had some control over. I did something that is one of the hardest things for me to do. I started asking people for help. I asked for help with our move, help with taking care of Jackson, really any help people were willing to give. I was shocked at what started to happen.

People came out of the woodwork. Some of which were people I hadn't spent time with in years. People donating time off to me at work so I could maintain my health benefits, many friends and family that donated their time to packing our house up, moving our belongings and joining me at doctor appointments. Family that tirelessly cleaned the house, changed diapers, prepared meals, ran errands, and even rubbed my feet. How could I be pessimistic? Instead, I feel this overwhelming sense of gratefulness. I am reminded that most people want to give, have huge hearts and that family bonds are strongest.

Perhaps I don't see life's biggest moments as negatively because I know there will always be a lesson when it's over. In my darkest moments I begged God to just show me what the lesson was already. I now know. It's that you have to rely on others sometimes, you have to believe in the goodness of mankind and you must always be grateful. Even when your world seems to be closing in on you. These are the lessons I will teach my  children. Especially the little girl who is helping me to see the glass half full.